Strippers, grippers, knickers, knockers, nippers, nipples and ballcocks.

You can buy anything in the local hardware shop-well almost. It's the legendary Aladdin's cave with fixes for everything from a leaking pipe, a shattered groyne, a wobbly bladder (-er, that should be ladder) to a broken heart. And some remedies are not so easy to find, such as the cure for a case of the potentially lethal bad HED.

But in the provincial town of Little Sniffingham the predators are looming like scheming forces of evil, determined to pillage and plunder the town centre, smashing shopkeepers aside in their wake.

This book is one man's memoir-a treasure trove of anecdotes, some tinged with humour, others with disappointment, some are downright bizarre-his guide to observing life from behind a shop counter. We all know him: he's the innocent looking chap in the DIY shop who listens with sympathy and understanding to all your problems ... and maybe writes them down.